Agree to Disagree

I read this blog today and loved it! It is called "How to Kiss and Makeup" by Scott Elbin. The blog explains how Obama and Netanyahu had a very public reconciliation by agreeing to disagree. I started thinking about how often this happens in business.

Which is more common? 1) a straight forward approach where people agree to disagree and determine how to move forward or 2) a passive/aggressive approach where folks agree face to face, but then vent to others outside of the meeting and never circle back with the person they disagree with.

How does this apply to strategic implementation? Part of effective strategic implementation is being honest and straight forward with the people you are working with. I am amazed at how much time and energy is wasted talking behind people's backs, complaining and venting, but never dealing with the situation directly. People often view disagreements as "not being nice" or being confrontational so shy away from them. Without disagreement we'd live in a world with little to no innovation or interest.
When you don't agree, speak up- doing it in a saavy way vs. a combative way.

Here are a couple of additional tips/tricks on how to be straightforward without appearing confrontational:

1. Do not use the words but or however. Those 2 words negate the phrase preceding them. For example, "I know you feel strongly about the solution you have proposed, but I have looked at it from a different perspective, I think...". This makes it sound like you have a better idea. Just end one thought and begin the other, "I know you feel strongly about the solution you have proposed. I have looked at it from a different perspective and think..." Read both of these aloud and see if you notice the difference- it is subtle and important.

2. Listen to what the other person is saying and try to paraphrase so they know you understand them. This doesn't mean you agree, it just means you understand.

3. Agree to disagree and then agree on next steps. "We both have strong points of views and we need to come up with the best solution. How do you think we should solve this? I would recommend that we bring Jane into this conversation to hear both sides and get her perspective. Are you ok with that?"

4. Thank the person for their openess and willingness to agree to disagree. A simple thank you goes a long way!

Next time you catch yourself slipping into passive-agressive mode, stop yourself and take the straightforward approach.