Giving and Getting Specific Feedback- A Gift... Really????

Have you ever heard the phrase "feedback is a gift"? I have often heard the response "Bull!"
Well, although feedback is not a gift like a new car or a great piece of jewelry or a wonderful vacation, it truly is a gift. HOW could feedback be a gift? OK, let's look at a couple of scenarios:

1) Over the years I received feedback that my presentation style needed to be honed. So off to Toast Masters I went to practice and be video taped (OK, maybe that is not a gift!) only to be told that my presentation skills were great. It wasn't until I had an incredible boss and mentor named Cathy David that we figured out the real issue. When talking in front of people in my company I would become nervous and I would use my hands in syncopation with my presentation. This was very distracting and the message I was presenting was often lost. Cathy did not just give me feedback about my presentation style, she gave me specific feedback that was actionable and I was able to stop this distracting habit.

2) I had a gentleman who worked for me several years ago. People said he was "stand-offish" and wasn't professional in front of upper management. As I watched him in these situations I realized that when he was nervous, he folded his arms, kicked back in the chair and had almost a "cocky" attitude. He was not being unprofessional, he was nervous and he was protecting himself. When we discussed this he realized what he was doing and made a point of sitting up straight, making eye contact and projecting his voice in meetings. We had a signal we used to insure if he slipped into his old habits, he corrected his path. People began to compliment him on his progress which gave him more confidence.

Both of these scenarios involved specific feedback that changed behaviors for the better. Anyone who goes through the time and effort of giving you specific feedback is truly giving you a gift. This person has taken the time to notice the behavior, note specific examples, seek you out to speak to you and deliver a tough message. Next time you get specific feedback, consider thanking the person instead of getting defensive- you'd be surprised how far that will go!

If you give feedback, open yourself up to receive feedback. If you do this, you'll be unlike most managers or supervisors and you'll truly become a leader. Leaders focus on making everything the best it can be, including themselves. Try it... you WILL benefit and your team will want to do more for you and the company.